Okay. So I am currently 200-some odd pages into this 1,400 page book and decided to see the movie tonight. Maybe not my best decision, but it was a TRULY amazing way to end my Christmas.
My first issue is a little nit-picky and comes from the fact that Fantine is supposed to be blonde (I’ll get over it) and is supposed to lose her FRONT teeth (I get why they changed that). My only other REAL issue with the film is the damn close ups of the faces while they’re singing. It was WAY overused and got in the way. It was divisive and annoying.
I didn’t grow up listening to this musical and felt iffy about the music, but there were some insanely powerful numbers that brought tears to my eyes. (I admit I came straight home and made some purchases).
I enjoyed the acting (Although Russel Crowe is boring). I could even stomach Ann Hathaway…okay she was actually pretty fantastic. If I’m honest I wasn’t UNimpressed by anyone, but I was substantially impressed by Eddie Redmayne and Aaron Tveit. Their acting was top noche and their singing was astounding. But I’m a sucker for a bromance with killer chemistry.
Overall I really enjoyed this movie. Considering that I am only 1/7 of the way through the book and all that has happened so far happened in the first 5 minutes of the movie…I feel like there are a few major plot gaps…but that isn’t the fault of the movie seeing as it is an adaptation of the stage musical which is an adaptation of the novel. So I can forgive the multiple “So many Years Later” screen captions…although they weren’t my favorite.
As much as I hate to admit it, I am currently reading the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. Yes it’s shameful, raunchy, poorly written and plot-lacking, but it’s pop culture; I was drawn in. After reading the first book, I should’ve stopped. I could see where it was going, I was bored and unamused. Unfortunately I have a thing where I can’t stop once I’ve started (reflected in how many bad awful television series I have watched from start to finish).
I started this thing where the morning after an evening spent reading I would text my friends (who refused to read more than the first book and only read that for comic relief) key points from the previous nights selection. It inspired me. Below is my synopsis of the three Fifty Shades books in 50 bullet-points (or less).
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD (as if you couldn’t tell what was going to happen from the first chapter of the first book)
Anastasia (Ana) Steele stumbles into Christian Grey’s office. He is a beautiful billionaire. She is uncomfortable.
Ana can’t stop thinking about Christian (this has never happened before). Plus they keep running into each other! “Thank goodness I wore my good jeans!”
Christian claims he is no good for Ana.
Ana signs a non-disclosure agreement. Their relationship must be secret! She is hesitant but signs anyway (smart)
Christian wants Ana to be his submissive and consent to a BDSM relationship, including soft and hard limits and the “Red Room of Pain.”
But Ana is a virgin! Christian quickly and explicitly deflowers her.
Ana graduates from WSU Vancouver (how prestigious) and Christian is introduced to her father as her boyfriend.
Erotic sex continues. Christian bestows many expensive technological gifts on Ana.
Ana has three inner voices (multiple personality disorder?) Her “inner goddess (wtf), her normal self, and a subconscious she refers to as “Steele.” It’s like a porn star, book nerd, athlete. She really is every woman. Way to make her relatable…not.
The audience learns that Christian’s first BDSM experience was with an older, Mrs. Robinson figure. Yikes. It lasted for more than 5 years.
Ana visits her mom in Georgia. Christian follows her there and they do it in the hotel.
Everyone insists the two are in love. But he won’t let Ana touch his chest or officially commit. He references his “crack-whore” birthmother.
Ana returns to Seattle and tries to push her “hard limits” and lets Christian spank her with a belt.
That doesn’t go so well. She leaves his apartment. They are broken up. End of book 1.
Book 2 commences three days later. Ana only gets out of bed for work at a publishing company. She cries herself to sleep every night and has visibly lost weight. (totally believable)
Christian contacts Ana. He is going to be her date to her friends’ art showing. But she knows they can’t be together.
They talk. They get back together. “Kinky-fuckery” commences, again.
Leila, one of Christian’s ex-subs, is a suicidal, gun-wielding, stalker.
Christian and Ana have a couple run-ins with Mrs. Robinson. They are uncomfortable.
Christian’s family loves Ana. She is the first girl he introduces to them.
Christian continually shows insecurity about Ana “leaving him” again. He therefore agrees to a “hearts and flowers” or “vanilla” relationship.
Ana still wants some kink.
Ana’s boss, Jack…Jeff…some nondescript “J” name, comes onto her. She kicks his ass, Christian freaks out and fires him. Since, obviously, the wealthy Mr. Grey has purchased the company Ana works at.
Leila holds Ana at gunpoint, kinda, in her apartment. But Christian solves everything by being his Dominant self.
Christian admits to being a sadist who likes to beat women that look like “the crackwhore” aka his mom.
Within the same conversation, Christian proposes. Ana needs time. But she is now allowed to touch him.
Christians helicopter goes missing with him on it. (But it’s the safest helicopter in production!)
Christian is safe. And his birthday is coming up! He also buys Ana a mansion on Lake Washington.
For his birthday, Ana gives Christian an answer to his proposal (YES!) and naughty sex in the playroom.
Mama Grey (adoptive mother) finds out about Mrs. Robinson, bitch slaps her and kicks her out of Christian’s birthday party.
Christian re-proposes with a boathouse full of flowers (awww…hearts and flowers). After they have told every member of the family. Good timing.
CHANGE OF P.O.V.! We are in Jeff/Jacks head (Ana’s ex-boss) and he is looking for revenge and stalking the couple. End of book 2.
Book 3 opens in a dream-like sequence of the couples honeymoon and wedding. Essentially a series of flashbacks including joining the mile-high club, expensive jewely, jet-skis and the South of France. (I’m jealous of 1-dimensional characters vacation location. Awesome.)
Mr. and Mrs. Grey return to Seattle only to participate in a car chase! Who is driving?! A woman….not Jeff/Jack apparently. The plot thickens. The chase ends in car sex.
Just kidding. It was Jeff/Jack. They forgot he had long hair. BUT he is apprehended when he sneaks into the apartment to kidnap Ana.
Christian takes Ana to Aspen with their friends.
Ana’s dad is in a car accident and in critical condition at a hospital in Portland.
Ana spends her birthday with her dad in the hospital, but also at a surprise party Christian planned for her (the man does it all).
Ana finds out she’s pregnant. Womp womp. (real shocked by that) Christian freaks out, gets pissed, and leaves. (Another shocker) The real surprise here is that he gets drunk! And Ana finds out he talked to Mrs. Robinson. So obviously the newlyweds don’t talk for two days because they are so angry.
Ana receives a call at work from Jeff/Jack. He is ransoming Christian’s sister. If Ana calls anyone he will “fuck her up and then kill her” (wow…that hasn’t been done in every mystery book/movie/tvshow ever…clever).
She goes to the bank but needs Christian’s approval for the $5 million. When they talk on the phone he thinks she is leaving him. She, of course, realizes this is the only way he won’t follow her and says she is. (This is the only part of the series that has an emotional impact. At all.)
Ana goes and saves Christian’s sister, shoots Jeff/Jack in the knee and gets the shit kicked out of her, to the point of unconsciousness. Oh and she’s worried about “Little Blip” (that is what she calls the unborn child…embarrassing).
Ana is now in the hospital fading in and out of consciousness picking up on bits of conversations. Christian and Mama G, Christian and her dad, Christian and the detective. Whatever. Nothing important.
Once she is all-better, Christian tells her everything. About Jeff/Jack having a tie to his history (they shared a foster home for a few months), about how his relationship with Mrs. Robinson started…it’s all on the table now.
Christian and Ana have sex in a meadow.
Flash forward two years and Ana is pregnant again and Christian is playing with their son at their big house on the water. Happy ending.
The book ends with two chapters of POV change to Christian’s early life and the first time he met Ana. It’s weird, unnecessary, and awkward.
There it is. All three books in 47 bullet points. And I might have given more detail and less repetition than the original work. Does this count as fanfiction? #jokes
I have done my fair share of driving. Whether I was in the drivers seat, or a passenger, I have driven east to west a total of eight times and north to south close to the same amount. I’ve done big cities (Chicago, Boston, NYC, LA, etc.) and endless flat lands (I hate Montana). And let me just tell you, no state has as bad of drivers and road conditions as Michigan.
I have never been more irritated after a trip than I was yesterday when I drove from Traverse City to Ann Arbor. Have the good people of the mitten state never heard of a blinker? Or using a passing lane? Or cruise control?
Seriously. For a state famous for being the home of the motor city, there a lot of people who know nothing about driving. Perhaps it is just crazy tourists pushing their way around. But if you have driven anywhere else, you know that I am right.
Hi y’all. I’m Kami. I enjoy the simple things in life. Things like television marathons, southern accents, mountains with snow on them in the summer, Justin Bieber, celebrity gossip, fresh produce, long road trips, spoilery tid-bits, friendly old men, literature, Mexican food, the smell of acrylic, family time and my red hair.
I kind of hate myself for creating a blog. But needed an outlet for all the incredibly important things I think about how I spend my time. Haha, jokes. I’m just a girl entering my senior year of college, just doing me.